More Travel Tips:
Its Not The End Of The World
EVERYBODY DOING ALL RIGHTTONIGHTé ME TOO, I GOT TO SAY I'MFEELING LUCKY AND GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE. I'M COUNTING MY BLESSINGS. I'M UP TO FOUR AND A THUMB. BUT YOU KNOW WHO REALLY HADA ROUGH DAYé THOSE FOLKS OVER AT EBIBLEFELLOWSHIP. THEY'RE A CHURCH GROUP INPENNSYLVANIA THAT PREDICTS
THE END OF THE WORLD AND NOTAS THEIR NAME WOULD SUGGEST A BOOK CLUB THAT READS THEBIBLE ONLY ON KINDLE. THESE FOLKS GOT FAMOUS A FEWYEARS BACK FOR PREDICTING THAT JUDGEMENT DAY WOULDFALL ON MAY 21st, 201 YOU PROBABLY SAW THOSE SAVE THEDATE BILLBOARDS. I RSVPED IMMEDIATELY ANDREQUESTED THE VEGETARIAN OPTION AT THE APOCALYPSE. WELL, IT TUSHES OUT THEIRMATH WAS A LITTLE OFF.
I THINK THEY FORGOT TO CARRYONE OF THE HEARSTMEN. BUT THEY TOOK ANOTHER LOOKAT THE BOOK OF REVELATION RECENTLY, CRUNCHED THENUMBERS THROUGH THEIR JESUS CALL COUP LATER ANDDISCOVERED THAT IN FACT THE PLANET WAS SUPPOSED TO BEPERMANENTLY DESTROYED YESTERDAY, OCTOBER 7th. AND SPOILER ALERT,(LAUGHTER) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)ANYWAY, I HAVE SOME SYMPATHY
FOR THOSE GUYS. I'M SURE THEY FEEL TERRIBLETODAY. PROBABLY FOR A LOT OFREASONS. CUZ YOU KNOW THAT ONE THINGYOU SAID YOU WOULD BE WILLING TO DO IF THE WORLDWAS GOING TO COME TO AN ENDé THEY PROBABLY DID THAT LASTNIGHT. IT'S GOING TO BE AWKWARD ATWORK TODAY. HEY, BRENDA.
SO I'M SENDING THE FOLKS ATEBIBLE FELLOWSHIP THIS SYMPATHY CARD. IT SAYS MY DEEPESTCONDOLENCES FOR EVERYTHING STILL EXISTING. BUT YOU DID BELIEVE EBIBLEFELLOWSHIP YOU CAN'T BE TOO SURPRISED. THOUGH THEIR PAMPHLET SAYSTHAT OCTOBER 7th, 2015 WILL BE THE END.
WORLD, THEY HEDGE THEIR BETBY ADDING THERE IS A STRONG LIKELIHOOD. STRONG LIKELY HOOD T MIGHTHAPPEN. BUT IF IT DOESN'T, IT IS NOTLIKE IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD.
Ted Bear Cyanide Happiness Shorts
tribal music Hi! You didn't see me there. You know whyé Because I'm Ted Bear. If you want to survive like me,you've gotta have a sharp wit, endurance, good looks and abackpack full of ingenuity. I've got mine on, both straps. Try to keep up!
Here's the scenario. You're onan international flight and the bastard's gone dodgy. Perhaps an albatrosswith poor eyesight has confused your planeengine for a mate and smacks right into it. Making your once snugcommute into a spiraling disastertastrophe.
Luckily you've leftyour tray table up and now you'rethe only survivor stuck in somegodforsaken jungle. It's cold, it's muddy, it's wet, it's hot, it's inconvenientand it's a bugger out of the way. Now the first thing you got todo is get a sense of direction. A good strategy is to find thenearest river and follow it.
tribal music After a while, all thewalking will leave you bleeding knackered. You need to finda source of food. Because food meanscarbohydrates, carbohydrates mean energy, energy means movement, movement means survival.
Luckily there are bountiesof food in the wilderness. You just got to knowwhere to look. Bacon! We must beunderneath a bacon tree! Now some of these aren'tquite ready. You need to climb higherto find the crispy ones. Ahh, now there'sa nice ripe strip. You've got yourself a quarterof a complete breakfast
right there. Time to keep moving.Try and keep up! Now, we need to find somerefreshments to wash it down. Ahh. What do we have hereé Now, it's very crucial to reach all theway in the back to get the freshest milk. Always, always, always checkthe expiration date on the back.
Ted Bear Survival Rap ExplosmEntertainment
UHHH! Nature! Damn! I'm straight barracuda Pug with a new bone! Thug with a fanny pack! Slug with a foot long! Goddamn platypus
I don't give a f*ck! Stinger on my tail And 40 foot nuts 'Cause this is nature_ I was born to survive! I'm Hurricane Ted I'm category five! Also known as a dung beetle running this sh*t! Piss in my river
Get a fish up in your dick! UGH! Yeah! Ted Bear in this motherfucka'! Goddamn!.