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End Times Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart Takes Over Colberts Late Show Desk

YOU KNOW, AS FUN AS IT IS TO WATCH AND TALK ABOUT THECONVENTION, THERE IS A LITTLE NONCONVENTION NEWS OUT THERE. TODAY, IT WAS ANNOUNCED THAT FOXNEWS C.E.O. ROGER AILES, WHO WAS ACCUSED OF REPEATED SEXUALHARASSMENT, HAS RESIGNED. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)THE RESIGNATION COMES ON THE HEELS OF A FOX NEWS INTERNALPROBE. (LAUGHTER)INTERNAL PROBE, BY THE WAY, IS

ONE OF THE THINGS HE'S ACCUSEDOF ASKING FOR. NOW, I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT,ALTHOUGH I SPENT WELL OVER A DECADE MAKING FUN OF HIS NETWORKAND HIM AND THE DAMAGE I THINK HE DID TO THE WORLD,THE NEWS OF THIS MAN LOSING HIS JOB GIVES ME NO PLEASURE. (LAUGHTER)JIMMY, CAN WE GET THE CAMERA OFF ME FOR A SECONDé (CHEERING)IF ONLY THERE WAS SOMEONE I

COULD SHARE THIS LACK OFPLEASURE WITH. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)gt;gt; HEY, STEPHEN. gt;gt; Stephen: OH, JON STEWART! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)GOOD TO SEE YOU! gt;gt; WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUTé NORMALLY THIS TIME OF NIGHT, I'MJUST SLEEPING. gt;gt; Stephen: YOU KNOW HOW ROGERAILES HAS BEEN ACCUSED OF SEXUAL HARASSMENTé

gt;gt; OH, I MIGHT HAVE READSOMETHING ABOUT THAT. gt;gt; Stephen: WELL, HE STEPPEDDOWN TODAY. gt;gt; HUH. JIMMY, CAN YOU TAKE THE CAMERAOFF ME FOR A SECONDé (CHEERING)gt;gt; Stephen: SO THANKS FOR STOPPING BY. IS THERE SOMETHING I COULD HELPYOU WITHé gt;gt; I WAS WONDERING IF I COULDJUST MAYBE TALK ABOUT THE

ELECTION FOR A LITTLE BIT. gt;gt; Stephen: OF COURSE. WELL, I'M GONNA JUST NEEDTHE YOUR DESK. gt;gt; Stephen: WANT TO SIT HEREé YEAH. (CHEERING)gt;gt; Stephen: REALLY NICE DOWN HERE.

gt;gt; IT'S BEEN A WHILE. gt;gt; Stephen: ACTUALLY OH, RIGHT. gt;gt; Stephen: YOU'VE GOT TO DO. THIS(CHEERING) gt;gt; OH, YEAH. gt;gt; Stephen: THERE YOU GO. GOES RIGHT ON THE HAIR. gt;gt; Stephen: HAVE A GOOD TIME.

The Daily Show Jons Big Announcement

gt;gt; Jon: HEY, THAT'S OUR SHOW! JOIN US TOMORROW NIGHT AT 11:00. NOW, I WOULD IMAGINE AS THISSHOW IS AIRING, THERE MAY BE INFORMATION OUT THERE RIGHTNOW THAT THE AUDIENCE MIGHT NOT BE AWARE OF, SO IWILL JUST TELL YOU. DOUG HERZOG AND MICHELLEGAINLESS OF COMEDY CENTRAL GAVE ME AN INCREDIBLE OPPORTUNITY17 YEARS AGO TO PILOT THIS WONDERFUL FRANCHISE.

AND I 17 YEARS IS THE LONGESTI HAVE EVER IN MY LIFE HELD A JOB BY 16 YEARS AND 5 MONTHS. (CHEERING)THANK YOU! THE UPSHOT THERE BEING, I AM ATERRIBLE EMPLOYEE. BUT IN MY HEART, I KNOW, IT ISTIME FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO HAVE THAT OPPORTUNITY. (AUDIENCE REACTS)NO! NO!

I TOLD YOU THEY DIDN'T KNOW. YOU PROBABLY KNOW. NOT RIGHT AWAY. IT'S GOING TO BE YOU KNOW,WE'RE STILL WORKING OUT DETAILS. I'M UP IN SEPTEMBER. MIGHT BE AROUND THEN, MIGHT BEDECEMBER, MIGHT BE JULY, WE'RE STILL WORKING OUT DETAILS. I DON'T HAVE ANY SPECIFIC PLANS.

GOT A LOT OF IDEAS. I GOT A LOT OF THINGS IN MYHEAD. I'M GOING TO HAVE DINNER ON ASCHOOL NIGHT WITH MY FAMILY, WHO I HAVE HEARD FROM MULTIPLESOURCES ARE LOVELY PEOPLE. (LAUGHTER)YOU KNOW, I'M NOT GOING TO BE HERE AND TRY AND SUM UP WHATTHIS PLACE HAS MEANT TO ME OVER THE YEARS, BUT I COULDN'T DOTHAT AND WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME AND I'VE GOT A MYRIAD OF PEOPLETO THANK AND WE'LL GET TO THAT

OVER TIME. I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE TOMORROW. BUT THIS SHOW DOESN'T DESERVE ANEVEN SLIGHTLY RESTLESS HOST AND NEITHER DO YOU. I DON'T THINK I'M GOING TO MISSBEING ON TELEVISION EVERY DAY. I'M GOING TO MISS COMING HEREEVERY DAY. AND THIS IS WHERE I LOVE THEPEOPLE HERE. THEY'RE THE BEST.

THEY'RE CREATIVE ANDCOLLABORATIVE AND KIND. AND THAT'S ALLITERATIVE BUT IT'SCHEATING BECAUSE IT'S A K, BUT YOU UNDERSTANDWHAT I'M SAYING. THEY'RE I LOVE THEM ANDRESPECT THEM SO MUCH. gt;gt; WE LOVE YOU, JON! gt;gt; Jon: YEAH! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)ANYWAY! ARRRRR! WHAT IS THIS FLUIDé

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