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How Harry Potter Should Have Ended
Dumbledore: Welcome, everyone to Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft, a place I assure you is safe for children, and has absolutely no history that might threaten our entire existence. But there is a huge killer snake downstairs. And a giant, vicious three headed dog.and a tree that can kill you. and mansized spiders that can eat your face. and McGonagall: Thank you, ProfessorDumbledore! That will be all.
As he was saying, welcome to Hermione: These candles are dripping wax everywhere! (indistinct screams) How Harry Potter Should Have Ended (door opens) That TimeTurner's fantastic, Hermione! You should keep it forever. Hermione: Alright.
Harry: No, really! It's too valuable!You have to promise to keep it. Hermione: Okay! I promise! Harry: Hermione, something mightconveniently destroy all the TimeTurners, making that the last one!You have to promise to keep it! Hermione: I promise I won't get rid of it! Ron: What the bloody hell are you two talking abouté (epic musical score) (energy colliding)
Voldemort: I'm going to kill you, Harry Potter! I'm pointing my wand as hard as I can! Harry: What's it going to take, Tomé You tried to kill me once as a baby and it didn't work! Voldemort: I'm going to destroy you! Harry: We've been here, like, four or five times already, and I just came back from the dead!
Voldemort: Lalalala! Not listening! Too busy about to kill you! Harry: You are insane! And nowwe're about to kill your pet snake! Neville (slow motion): I'm awesome!!! Harry: It's over! Voldemort: It's never over! Avada Kedavugh! (vocalizing)
Snape: Ugh. Muggle weapons. Harry: Professor Snape, you're alive! Snape: Of course I'm alive, you twit! Harry: But howé You died right in front of us! Snape: Magic! Duh! I'm a potions master and a double agent.
Deadpool VS Deathstroke DEATH BATTLE
Boomstick: This episode of Death Battle is brought to you by Destiny's Expansion I: Boomstick: The Dark Below. Boomstick: Available now! Wiz: They say imitation is the highest form of flattery but sometimes it's nothing but a slap to the face W: Such is the case when it comes to these two mass mercinaries Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth W: And Deathstroke, the Terminator. B: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick
W: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a death battle B: You see him on tshirts, internet memes, and everywhere you look at nerd conventions W: But the story behind this popular antihero isn't as lighthearted as his joking nature would lead you to believe. W: Wade Winston Wilson was a globetrotting mercenary looking for his chance to become the world's next greatest superhero W: Then he was diagnosed with cancer, which hit him like a flaming semitruck falling on his face. B: That's.oddly specific W: Facing the inevitability of death, Wade gave up. He abandoned his heroic dream, stopped his chemo treatments, W: and dumped his girlfriend to free her from the burden of a man doomed to die.
B: Doomed, until he was offered a cure by Department K: The special weapons development division of a strange, alien world called. B: .Canada. B: And by cure, I mean he actually was handed over to the Weapons X program: The same guys who gave Wolverine's bones the old chrome dip. B: They injected Wade with Wolvie's healing factor W: Which I don't even know if that's possible Do they have a spare jar of quot;Essence of Wolverinequot; or somethingé B: With the ability to heal from anything, his body became a surgical playground for Killebrew and his assistant Ajax. B: Just like operation! Only constantly hitting the sides. B: But hey! At least he doesn't have cancer anymore.
W: Well. actually he still does. W: His cells just regenerate faster than the cancer can kill him. Beneath that red and black spandex, he's basically a giant walking tumor. W: Which can talk. W: A lot. B: AHH. KILL IT WITH FIRE! B: Ohh, wait we can't. W: Meanwhile, among Killebrew's other prisoners, a gambling ring was fomed. W: Patients would place bets on each other's survival under the knife.
B: And these bets were placed under what they called. B: The Dead Pool B: Get ité B: 'Cause it's kinda like where his name comes froohh you'll see. W: Unfortunately for Killebrew, Wade had somehow gotten superhuman strength, speed, and stamina W: 'cause I guess they had a jar filled with that shit too. W: He used these skills to kill Ajax and make a dramatic escape. W: Free at last, his fellow inmates inspired him to take on his now famous namesake
B: Deadp Deadpool: DEADPOOOL YEAH B: What the hecké D: Ohh, I'm sorry, please, keep talking about how great I am! W: I was afraid of this. W: You see, Deadpool somehow possesses a unique awareness of whatever medium he's in, whether it be comic books, tutorial games, tv shows. W: or an awesome internet show B: Awesome what nowé