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2012 Apocalypse Website

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Its Not The End Of The World

EVERYBODY DOING ALL RIGHTTONIGHTé ME TOO, I GOT TO SAY I'MFEELING LUCKY AND GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE. I'M COUNTING MY BLESSINGS. I'M UP TO FOUR AND A THUMB. BUT YOU KNOW WHO REALLY HADA ROUGH DAYé THOSE FOLKS OVER AT EBIBLEFELLOWSHIP. THEY'RE A CHURCH GROUP INPENNSYLVANIA THAT PREDICTS

THE END OF THE WORLD AND NOTAS THEIR NAME WOULD SUGGEST A BOOK CLUB THAT READS THEBIBLE ONLY ON KINDLE. THESE FOLKS GOT FAMOUS A FEWYEARS BACK FOR PREDICTING THAT JUDGEMENT DAY WOULDFALL ON MAY 21st, 201 YOU PROBABLY SAW THOSE SAVE THEDATE BILLBOARDS. I RSVPED IMMEDIATELY ANDREQUESTED THE VEGETARIAN OPTION AT THE APOCALYPSE. WELL, IT TUSHES OUT THEIRMATH WAS A LITTLE OFF.

I THINK THEY FORGOT TO CARRYONE OF THE HEARSTMEN. BUT THEY TOOK ANOTHER LOOKAT THE BOOK OF REVELATION RECENTLY, CRUNCHED THENUMBERS THROUGH THEIR JESUS CALL COUP LATER ANDDISCOVERED THAT IN FACT THE PLANET WAS SUPPOSED TO BEPERMANENTLY DESTROYED YESTERDAY, OCTOBER 7th. AND SPOILER ALERT,(LAUGHTER) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)ANYWAY, I HAVE SOME SYMPATHY

FOR THOSE GUYS. I'M SURE THEY FEEL TERRIBLETODAY. PROBABLY FOR A LOT OFREASONS. CUZ YOU KNOW THAT ONE THINGYOU SAID YOU WOULD BE WILLING TO DO IF THE WORLDWAS GOING TO COME TO AN ENDé THEY PROBABLY DID THAT LASTNIGHT. IT'S GOING TO BE AWKWARD ATWORK TODAY. HEY, BRENDA.

SO I'M SENDING THE FOLKS ATEBIBLE FELLOWSHIP THIS SYMPATHY CARD. IT SAYS MY DEEPESTCONDOLENCES FOR EVERYTHING STILL EXISTING. BUT YOU DID BELIEVE EBIBLEFELLOWSHIP YOU CAN'T BE TOO SURPRISED. THOUGH THEIR PAMPHLET SAYSTHAT OCTOBER 7th, 2015 WILL BE THE END.

WORLD, THEY HEDGE THEIR BETBY ADDING THERE IS A STRONG LIKELIHOOD. STRONG LIKELY HOOD T MIGHTHAPPEN. BUT IF IT DOESN'T, IT IS NOTLIKE IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD.

Messages For The Future

Hey, Vsauce. Michael here. This is Earth asseen from Saturn. That is us right there. And if you look closely, ok, see thislittle protuberanceé That's the Moon. This image was taken by the Cassinispacecraft on July 19th, 2013 at 21:27 Coordinated Universal Time. The thing is,NASA gave the public advanced warning of when it would be taken, which meansthat this image of Earth was the first ever taken from space that some people onEarth were actually posing for. Our planet looks so small, insignificant, fragile.I recently attended the premiere of Sky 1's upcoming quot;You, Me and the Apocalypsequot;with some cool YouTubers and it got me

thinking. In the show, the characters findout that they're only 34 days left before a comet smashes into Earth that's likelyto end humanity. They all react in different interesting ways, but whatwould I do if I found out that there were only 34 days of human history lefté Ok, my first prioritywould be to get back to America to be with my family. But after thaté I don't really have abucket list. Except that is exactly what I would want to spend my last few weeksdoing. Making a list to put in a bucket

that I would then send far out intospace away from Earth's impending vaporization. The list would containinformation about us, all Earthlings. So that if libraries and monuments andYouTube tutorials were all destroyed, a record would still exist somewhere of what and who we were. Like a stonethrown into a lake, the ripples your life causes last long after you vanish,the tree you planted is climbed by future generations, the books you donated informfuture readers. But what if it's not just your stone that vanishes, but the entire pondéPerhaps it's arrogance or vanity, but

getting cosmic messages in a bottle outthere, before the end, diversifies our archive and gives a better chance forfuture alien visitors, or whatever is left of humanity, to find out that wewere once here, to show what we learned. Maybe even to warnfuture life forms of what we did or what we didn't prepare for. We have alreadysent some messages about humanity out there, beyond Earth, and if Earth iscompletely destroyed, those messages will be all that's left of us. What are theyéOk, first things first. How do you write something for the futureé I mean,the distant future. The message might not be

found for millions of years or billions.It might be discovered by an audience that's completely different, not only inlanguage, but in sensesé What if they can't see or hear or feel or tasteor smell like we do, or at all. What if their bodies destroy the very materialwe write the message oné What language do you even write it iné Well, in general, mathand physics, which are believed to be the same everywhere in the universe,have been what we write outer space bound messages in. Like the Arecibo message, written byFrank Drake, Carl Sagan and others, which

was blasted towards the M13 star clusterin 1974. It's composed of a semi prime number of binary digits conveying someinfo about us and it should reach the centerish of the M13 cluster in about25,000 years, at which point, if something intelligent livesthere and detects it, they can respond and their response will return to usanother 25,000 years later. We won't be around for that. But Earth has also beenbroadcasting its radio and TV signals into space. Currently it's about 200lightyears in diameter. Compared to the Milky Way, it's about this big. Aliens withinthat bubble could tune in and listen to

Whedon On Romney

You know like a lot of liberal Americans, I wasexcited when Barack Obama took office four years ago. But it's a very different world now andMitt Romney is a very different candidate. One with the vision and determination to cutthrough business as usual politics and finally put this country back on thepath to the zombie apocalypse. Romney's ready to make the deeprollbacks in healthcare, education, social services, reproductive rights that willguarantee poverty, unemployment,

overpopulation, disease, rioting. Allcrucial elements in creating a nightmare zombie wasteland. But it's his commitment to ungovernedcorporate privilege that will nosedive this economy into true insolvency andchaos. The kind of chaos you can't buy back. Money is only so much paper to the undead.The onepercent will no longer be the very rich, it'll be the very fast. Anyone who can

run, fight, make explosives out of household objectsor especially do parkour of any kind you'll want to stick with them. .unless they read Ayn Rand. Look, I don't pretend to see the future. No one knows for sure if they'll be thesuper fast 28 Days Later zombies or the oldschool shambling kind,but they'll be out there and they'll need brains. So whether you're a small businessman justtrying to keep his doors open, a single

mom so concerned for her son's welfarethat she'll run to embrace him when he's clearly infected and going to bite her or a strung out exmilitary type who'sbeen out there too long and is taking the kind of damn fool chances that'll get usall killed. You need to ask yourself: Am I readyé Am I ready for the purity and courage ofMitt Romney's apocalyptic visioné Mitt's ready. He's not afraid to face a ravening,grasping horde of subhumans.

Because that's how he sees poor people already. Let's all embrace the future, stoppretending we care about each other and start hoarding canned goods. Because if Mitt takes office sooner or later the Zomneys will come for all of us. Paid for by the committee to learnparkour like really soon like maybe take a class or something.

Hmmm. Spam has it's own key.

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